Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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