But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
