she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
