Moan for me like Helen Keller
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm both gender and math confused
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
