I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
