it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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