just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
