Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
