the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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