I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
