I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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