i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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