five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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