This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
