Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
