I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
