My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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