Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
