So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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