hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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