I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
