Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
