You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
