yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
