Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So I just went to clothing optional bar
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
