fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
