did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
