i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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