Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
