I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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