You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
