Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
whose parrot is this?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
