sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
