I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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