He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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