I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
