Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
