Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
