Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We need to get me chipped asap
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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