Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
