Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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