i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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