Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
