How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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