If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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