So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
