drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
