It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
