I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
