I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
